Our homes are our havens.
A place of refuge and comfort in a harsh and broken world. A safe space for us and our families. Home is a place for love, laughter, and life, as well as for silence, rest, and regeneration. The glow of soft lamplight, the smell of homemade apple pie, the comfort of an overstuffed sofa, the succor of a bed with fleshly washed sheets… this is what I envision when I think of my home as a haven.
Is this my actual reality?
No.
Well, actually, yes. Sometimes, at least.
It’s been 20 years since I left the outside-the-home work world to become a full-time homemaking mom. I’ve had seasons of miraculous productivity and organization, and seasons when making my home a haven fell to the bottom of my to-do list.
During every season, I’ve learned a thing or two.
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Keep First Things First
I learned firsthand that relationships with my family members are more important than the things in my home. Always prioritize your relationships with your spouse and your children. Building strong bonds or mending broken fences is far more important than organizing a pantry.
It doesn’t matter how cozy your home is, how clean the kitchen is, or how fresh the bed sheets are if there is discord among the people living there. Family should always come first.
Mind you, I’m not suggesting you stop cleaning and cooking while you just sit and fret over a rebellious teenager or a growing distance between you and your spouse. Keeping your home clean and neat during seasons of discord does provide a bit of comfort in the chaos, but it’s only a spit-shine.
What I am saying is, if you have an hour to clean the bathrooms, or an hour to take that cranky teen out for ice cream, or take a long walk with your spouse… choose that hour to strengthen relationships. You can clean the bathrooms tomorrow.
Don’t Compare Your Home to Other People’s Homes
God has seen fit to provide a roof over your head. Be thankful for His provision. Do not consider the provision He provides for others. That is none of your concern.
One of the best ways to thank God for His care over you is to be a good steward of all He has entrusted to you. You may think your house is not big enough or as nice as your neighbor’s house, but He has provided it to you and that is reason enough to exude gratefulness.
Take good care of what you have and never forget how blessed you are.
Keeping your eyes on God and His goodness, as opposed to keeping your eyes on your neighbor’s stuff, will save you a lot of grief and will soften your heart as well.
Find Your Minimalist Comfort Zone
The more you have, the more you have to clean. It’s simple math.
Many people do not like the starkness of a modern minimalist decorating style. I don’t, so I’m not suggesting you ditch everything but the sofa and floor lamp.
What I am suggesting is you purge as much as you are comfortable with. Pare your kitchen down to only what you use. Few households actually have a need for six spatulas and nine wooden spoons to use all at the same time.
Purge your closets once a month. Take a box or garbage bag around the house and collect at least one item you do not wear or use anymore. Be sure to hit your linen closet for old towels or sheet sets. If the items are still in good shape, consider donating to a shelter or just drop the item off at Goodwill.
Pare down the number of knick-knacks and consider decorating with a few larger pieces instead of a lot of smaller items.
Create a Cleaning Schedule
Creating a homemaking schedule will simply things a lot! Jot down a list of chores that you need to do to maintain your home. Examples include: loading/emptying the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen sink, cleaning the oven, cleaning out the refrigerator, scrubbing baseboards, vacuuming, washing clothes, washing sheets, cleaning bathrooms, dusting ceiling fans or mini blinds, etc. Then, next to each chore, write down how often you need to do each chore (daily, weekly, seasonally, etc.).
From that brainstorming session, create a realistic schedule that works for you.
When the Schedule Fails, Switch to a Daily To-Do List
All great plans are apt to fall apart at times. Routines get altered. Life can get in the way.
Don’t panic if you lose track or get too far behind with your housekeeping schedule. Please do not beat yourself up. Even June Cleaver had to skip her routine to go to the hospital and birth babies. No homemaker is perfect.
Simply write a daily to-do list every morning and keep it realistic.
If all you can accomplish in one day is to get the dishes and one load of laundry done, so be it. Be sure to scratch off each item once complete. It’s quite motivating and you might actually find yourself adding one or two more chores to the list, just so you can feel the satisfaction of marking them off once complete.
Delegate Household Chores
My husband and I used to joke that we would spoil our children till they were two-years-old, then they would need to start pulling their weight.
We were only partly joking. Age appropriate chores serve a dual purpose. One, it takes some weight off the parents’ shoulders. Two, it teaches children the importance of contributing, cleaning up after themselves, and serving others.
True, children might not clean as thoroughly as you would, but that’s okay. The biggest lesson here is to develop good character in your children. If it’s not perfect, let it go. Consider this… this is their chance to learn the art of homemaking !
Collect Recipes and Use Meal Planning
I am always perusing Pinterest for recipes. I have at least five different recipe boards. I print my favorites and put them in a three-ring binder with sections like Crock-pot, Breakfast, Side Dishes, One Dish Meals, Main Dishes, Desserts. It is a very quick reference when planning out our meals for the week.
Meal planning is a quick way to simplify homemaking. Plan a week’s worth of meals at a time. It saves you a lot of time and money.
You can read more about how I use meal planning in my post How to Use Meal Planning to Cut Your Grocery Budget.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Being a good homemaker doesn’t mean always having a clean home or never over-cooking the chicken. The goal of homemaking is to create a safe, comfortable haven. This is best accomplished with your attitude.
Let the vacuuming go and, instead, sit down with your children and play a board game. Welcome people into your home not with an apology (“sorry it’s so messy”), but with a genuine smile and a warm hug. If they judge you for the clutter on your coffee table, that’s on them. It’s not your problem, so don’t sweat it.
At the End of the Day…
Even if you don’t think you are a good at homemaking, lift your chin. Simplify your understanding of what “homemaking” means:
- Be a good steward of all that God has given you including your relationships, your time, and your home.
- Cultivate a thankful heart. Thank God often.
- Use your time wisely and do not be idle and unproductive, but remember that sometimes the best use of your time might just be to sit on the porch swing with your spouse shooting the breeze.
- Set priorities. Spend time with God, build relationships, cook, clean. That’s pretty much the correct order of things. Try to keep these straight.
What are your biggest struggles as a homemaker? Join the conversation in the comments below.
Be sure to check out these posts, while you’re here:
Hi Stephanie,
This post is so encouraging! I absolutely love being at home full time but have struggled with feeling like I’m not very good at it! You’re words are so validating and have confirmed that I’m doing the right thing for my family, even if I don’t do it perfectly! I’ll keep following your posts as it sounds like we’re on the same wave length.
I’m so glad to hear this encouraged you.
Thank you, I think your words were exactly what I needed, and when I needed them.