Advice My Mom Gave Me

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I started my senior year in college in the Fall of 1993. That first semester I had the opportunity to study in London. Talk about a hard sell for my mom! My dad was excited for me, but mom… well, in Meg’s true motherly fashion she was terrified by the thought of me traveling and studying a whole ocean away. Dad and I had to gently persuade her to let go of me a bit in order that I might have the chance to spread my wings.

Mom gulped down her misgivings on that September morning when she and dad drove me to the airport. Stealthily, mom had slipped a letter under my boarding pass as she handed it to me. I didn’t even notice it until I got on the plane. Also true to Meg’s motherly (and professional) fashion, the letter was typed, double-spaced, and in proper business letter style. I had a hard time holding back a chuckle as I lifted my backpack into the overhead bin and got settled in my seat. She had let me and dad overrule her concerns, but, by God, she was going to get the last word!

The joke was on me, though, for thinking that. Instead of a lashing or a prideful expose’, her humble letter contained wisdom I still take with me today. I think of it often when I’m dealing with difficult people, or when I get so rushed in life that I forget to stop and smell the flowers. All these years later, I still keep that letter in my nightstand, close by for when I feel I need a course correction in life.

The following is that letter in its entirety, published without her knowledge or her consent. I don’t know how she’s going to feel about me putting this out in cyberspace, but I think the words contained here need to be seen by more than just me.

Included are some private family jokes/references that won’t make sense to anyone else, but I’ve leaving them in for good measure.

Here’s the advice my mom gave me…

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September 7, 1993

My Dearest Stephanie,

This is your mom just wanting to visit with you a few minutes today and say some things that are on my heart. I know this is sort of a coward’s way of doing things – by letter I mean and I apologize – but sometimes I have trouble saying exactly what I mean and doing it in letter form helps me to convey better.

First of all, let me start at the very beginning. When I discovered I was pregnant for the second time, I was absolutely delighted. Having a second baby as soon after my firstborn was just what I wanted for my life. You see, being an only child was very lonely for me and I wanted to have two children close together. Maybe this was a little selfish on my part, but it was definitely an answer to prayer. As the pregnancy progressed, there were problems. These problems were physical complications with the pregnancy, but with the modern medicines of that day I was able to continue and carry you full term. There was even talk of a therapeutic abortion if things did not improve. Dr. Dees and I were not happy to entertain such a thought and I proceeded with the medication. And, lo and behold, you did arrive on a very fair and beautiful day – August 10, 1971!! What a doll God had given to Steve and me to join with (brother) Simeon as “our family”. We had decided after you there would definitely be no more. Therefore, your dad decided to have a vasectomy which made that a permanent choice for us. The nurses at the hospital adored you – combing your beautiful hair and placing little pink bows on top – and from the very beginning you were a very outgoing and happy little baby.

Well, through the growing up years –

You remember how we just to drive to Rich’s at Perimeter from Snellville for your “White Gloves and Party Manners” classes and you would say ” I can’t wait till I’m 10 years old” and I would reply “Oh, don’t say that! I love you just the way you are now!” That was the truth! I enjoyed you from the very beginning. Remember the “chimney without a house” and the “Nuclear Forest”? Remember the lady with creases all in her face after you got your first pair of glasses and we went to the Clarmont in the old Davidson’s for lunch? Remember the first leaves you saw on the trees and you realized that’s where they belonged and not on the ground? Well, maybe I did try to hold you a little close at times or maybe I didn’t hold you close enough. I don’t know. I just know that when you were 10 years old and seemed to need a full time mother for a while, I did not hesitate to quit my job and stay as close to you as I could possibly get for a year and a half. If financial difficulties were not present, I would have never entertained a thought of returning to the working world. I must say again, I have enjoyed you so much.

You have grown into a very bright and intelligent young lady. You have qualities that are very precious and I love dearly. Your intelligence, diligence, and ambition are more than any mother could ask of a child. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that person.

Now a little bit of motherly advice for the future –

With all your intelligence, diligence, ambition, and education, I want you to remember that how you treat others is the most important aspect of your entire life. How you treat your Lord is of utmost importance. He gave you life here on Earth and through your profession of faith and belief in Him, He has given you eternal life. Your relationship with Him is the link that will help you attain wisdom and insight that will carry you through life and help you assimilate any other knowledge you receive. He will provide you with knowledge on how to handle any person you encounter on this earth. God will help you ascertain the good from the bad. However, let me just say at this point, you are only responsible for how you respond, react, and treat others. You will be in a very close, small group on your trip to Europe. Remember to think about what you are going to say, put yourself in that person’s shoes, and treat them just the way that you want to be treated in word and deed. Remember to extend the hand of friendship and love to those God has placed with you these next few months. It is a tendency of the Guests, Edmonds, and Dosters to speak in a sharp tongue. Please, Stephanie, guard against this tendency. I feel as your mother I should remind you of this trait. I had to learn to put away my shyness as a young lady and try to treat others just the way I would want to be treated or the way God would have me treat them. Needless to say, I fail often. I have to remember to ask the Lord to give me love for people I’m placed with who are unlovable. When we ask Him for that love, we are able to forget our feelings and be what others need. This is not to make friends or be popular – it is a mainstay of life. I have learned in the business world, it doesn’t matter how smart you think you are, how educated you are, how logical you think you are – if you don’t treat others properly – you will not be respected and taken seriously about anything. It affects all aspects of your life – personal, friends, church, school, community, and business. Your education and exposure will be totally worthless.

I know this is going to sound contradictory maybe after my previous paragraph. Please be very careful. Careful in the airports, on the streets, in the stores, and wherever you may be. Don’t be fearful, just cautious. Keep your eye on your backpack, purse, passport purse as much as possible. Be careful in the restrooms, as you enter them, as you use them (forgive me for this – cover the seats!) and as you exit them. Be careful of the food you eat. Make sure it is as clean as possible. Well now, you are just going to have to remember I’m your mother – always have been, always will be as long as I’m on this earth – and you were given to me to “mother”. Forgive me for exercising that prerogative at times. When you have a child, I think you’ll remember this and probably do the same thing – maybe a little differently – but you’ll do it.

These experiences in your senior year of college will be most valuable. I understand and I think I’ve expected that you will grow up even more. I want you to enjoy every minute of your time in Europe and your final semester of college. I want you to enjoy the people – the studies – the scenery – take a good hard look at all the good looking boys!! Remember, once you leave school you are thrown in with lots of older people, and the scope is not as broad as you have it in college or school!!!

Enjoy the scenery and the simple things of life. Enjoy all the flowers – the smells – the colors – the people – the music – and think happy, cheerful and uplifting thoughts. Pass these thoughts and joys onto others around you. Take time to enjoy the pleasures of people and their company (even the older folks!). Sit down for coffee and a danish and bask in the joy of these last college days and friendships. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. (And don’t forget to take a picture or two for me)

Well, I must close for now. It is, after all, a work day. Thanks for your patience and reading this indulgence. God bless you my dearest Stephanie. Remember your mother loves you dearly and desires life’s best for you in all things.

Love always,

Mom

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And there you have it… all the advice you need to live a good life: put God first, don’t get all high and mighty about your smarts, treat everyone with respect, watch your tongue, make sure your food is clean, cover public toilet seats before using them, take time to have coffee and a danish, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

Thanks for the advice, Mom.