I was never supposed to be a homeschooling mom.
Let me rephrase that: I didn’t know God would be calling me to homeschool my children. Homeschooling was never on my radar screen. Then, life interrupted my family. Our oldest had just started Kindergarten at the local public school, when my husband’s company offered him a position in another state. For added disruption, they asked him to spend 2-3 months in one city before moving him to a permanent position in another city.
Well, that’s a pickle.
Long story short, we decided I would homeschool our son just until we got settled and then we would enroll him in a new school.
That was in 2004.
I’m still homeschooling.
Because I thought homeschooling would just be a temporary stop-gap, I didn’t put a lot of thought into long-term goals at first. Once I realized I was in this for the long haul, I went ALL IN. I planned out every little detail of the future while picturing my children being in the news for completing college at 12. I wrote a mission statement for our homeschool and I drilled math facts. I can still remember my 2nd grader at the kitchen table, wiping his brow while diagramming a compound-complex sentence.
I was on top of this whole homeschooling thing!
Until I wasn’t.
Many years and many curve balls later, I can tell you things didn’t work out the way I had meticulously planned.
But, that’s okay. It worked out just the way it was supposed to.
And, along the way, I learned a few things I can share with new homeschoolers.
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Lesson 1: Every Year Will Be Different
Some people do lead rather consistent lives. Not my family. It’s always something with us. We have homeschooled in seven different houses across two different states over the last 15 years. In my family, change is the name of the game.
If it’s not a move, then it’s a career change. If it’s not one child’s struggles (with life, health, anxiety, academics), it’s the other child’s struggles. If it’s not my own homeschool/work-at-home schedule that interferes with our academic timeline and goals, it’s ailing family members who need our help and support.
Every year of our homeschool has looked different.
We have had “normal” years of consistent start times and morning meetings at the kitchen table. We have also had years of I-don’t-care-how-I-don’t-care-when just Get. It. Done.
Looking back, I consider it a blessing that we had years of turmoil thrown into our lives. My children learned far more about life and character by visiting with and taking care of their great-grandmother in the nursing home the last few months of her life, than they ever would have sitting in the kitchen completing lesson 12 in the textbook.
Lesson 2: Curriculum Is Just a Tool
I am a curriculum junkie. If you homeschool, you probably are, too. You can go ahead and admit it. You are among friends here.
Unfortunately, I have wasted far too much time and an unGodly amount of money trying to find the perfect curriculum over the years.
For those just starting their homeschooling journey, or for those still stuck in the curricula matrix… let me help you out: the perfect curriculum does not exist. Period. Full stop.
It took me a regrettable amount of time to realize that any given textbook exists simply as a tool to help my kids learn.
It took me even longer to build up the courage to break away from any given textbook and start winging it a little.
Now, I just use textbooks as spines. They guide the scope and sequence of our lessons, but they don’t rule our homeschool. For example, if a science book has a rather long and tedious section on a particular topic, we skip it. Instead, we cover the topic by watching YouTube videos and checking out picture books from the library (yes, picture books even for my high schoolers! Even I learn a lot from them!). I also can assign notebooking pages for independent work on the topic.
This realization is liberating and life-altering. So much stress is alleviated when you cease to be a slave to curriculum.
Lesson 3: You Don’t Need a Homeschool Room
If you want a homeschool room and you have extra space in your house, go for it. But, you don’t NEED one. We’ve never had a homeschool room and I’ve already graduated my oldest who is no worse off because of it.
In the early days of homeschooling, I longed for a dedicated space that I could turn into a classroom complete with art, music, reading, and math stations. I envisioned colorful bulletin boards and bookshelves overflowing with engaging books, science lab equipment, art supplies, and everything else that would edify and nurture a love of learning in my kids. It would have desks and computers and, oh, the color! It would be a magnificent room that inspired imagination and creative thinking and… I don’t know. Something. It sounded good at the time.
Well, psh. Shrug. It never happened.
In retrospect, I’m glad it never came to fruition. I’m positive that for my family it would have been a waste of space and money. No matter how inspiring I made it, my kids still would have thought it a prison. A cool, pretty prison with a lot of neat things, but a prison nonetheless.
Turns out, one of my kids likes to study in solitude and complete silence. Too much visual noise would have driven him crazy. My other kid needs music in the background and a change of scenery often. She might start at the desk, then move to the floor, then the sofa, then the patio, then the bed, then upside down from the coffee table, then… well, you get the picture. Needless to say, a homeschool room never would have worked for us.
Turns out I wasted too much time coveting those stunning homeschool room pics on the internet. If you don’t have a homeschool room, do yourself a favor and don’t sweat it.
Lesson 4: God’s Vision for Our Homeschool Is Better Than Mine
I’m just two years away from graduating my youngest, so my time as a homeschooling mama is nearing its end. It’s a bittersweet thought for me.
I never saw homeschooling on my radar, yet this was the path God had for us all along. Who knew?
He knew. He Knew long before me that my children’s education would need to be flexible and fluid, so He knew homeschooling was the path for my family. All of my well-laid plans were not His plans. What I saw as my initial goals for the kids’ education were not His goals. He forged this path for my family and He has been leading us all along. In retrospect, I can see where I fought for my way and my vision in our homeschool. That caused a lot of headaches and heartaches for me and my children along the way. I struggled with wrangling the kids and forcing academics when, sometimes, what my kids needed most was to close the books and just talk. I was so focused on measurable academic achievement that I often lost sight of the unmeasurable growth of character and love. He broke me and my will. He had to in order to build up my children to be the people He needs them to be.
As a homeschooling parent, don’t lose sight of what is most important: that your children grow in their faith and become kind, generous and loving people in a harsh world. Of course, you need to take care of academics, but don’t waste the time you have with them. Don’t forget their souls. As you attempt to shape and mold your children into the people they need to be, you may just find that God is shaping and molding you, also. Make your plans, but yield to Him.
If you have homeschooled for a while, what are some things that you wish you had known way back when? Please share in the comments below.
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